CLATTER CLATTER ... A HEAPED MIND PLATTER

I enjoy watching -Clean House- it is usually aired on Style. This is not your usual 'Extreme Makeover - home edition' programme. They look for the houses with the most clatter .. a complete-junkyard-in-your-living-room kind of house, then take out the clatter and restore homes. I find it very fascinating how much stuff you can keep in such a small perimeter. The clients usually have an issue behind all the clatter and its is not entirely because they are lazy.

Last night, i decided i had to create time to clean out my closet. My mother had been consatantly telling me i had too much clothes in my room, and i'd tell her that each piece of garment had a purpose. She was not just being 'mom', but actually my room  did look like a "hurricane aftermath!!" I kept on saying i would get to it but the truth is it kept on getting worse with everyday i procrastinated.

I have always been obsessively neat, this was unusual. I am not on an 8 - 5 job. I work mostly from home ... so simply i have no excuse. So, yesterday i worked late into the night.. cleaning my room , I had to give up some stuff. Ofcourse did not want to do it but i knew had to. Especially my wardrobe. Fitting into some clothes brought some nostalgic episodes. My first dinner in campus. The clothes i wore when i lost a whooping 7 kgs, some of them couldnt fit me anymore, some were completely worn off.. (shoes)... some clothes id saved up for so long to but i didnt want to let them go. Some were just past my age.... they were childish  and did not depict elegance.

 Some were worn to very special days... first campus date, outfit worn for my first stage hosting, gifts from my friends on birthdays, hand me downs- of which some were completely hideous! I have always learnt to keep my wardrobe very simple and just enough to get me by well. I had a whole "gikomba" ( as my mom called it) she did exegerate to some extent.. when had it come to this??? I knew i had to give them out, not just because it was kind, and messy, or because i had no use for them anymore, but because it was time to let go.

The clatter reflected the state of my mind and how my emotions at this particular stage in my life was. I did loose weight but i gained it back. I guess hanging on to the old petite clothes reminded me of how small i was once before. I had to let them go and embrace me now (im very okay). I did not want to give out my dinner dresses... since they have such splendid memories attached to them. My shoes... have trodden great lands, but i have to give them out. I was young and crazy... now im a fully grown lady and i can't stick to that look not anymore. Im sorry i had to let the hand-me-downs go, my sisters are far from me but their jackets don't make them any closer.... plus they really are fashion wanting. I have to learn to make meaningful communication with them.

Part of me felt sad, but the bigger part of me felt happy ,not just because i had a chance to give something out to someone who needed it, but also because i was letting go any attachments from my past that were crowding my physical space. Sometimes life can be tough, but a friend once told me that... life is like a movie and God is the director.. he will give his best actors the hardest roles. I don't mean that i have entirely forgotten my great and lovely past... but i have kept what is most important in form of memory staches in my mind. Memories that i can relate or refer to later. It has not only made my physical space more comfortable but also my mind is more at ease.

As i zip up this Godzilla-sized suitcase, i am ready now to let new things, new people, new experiences flow... im only 23 ( but not for long)... i have a world out there to conquer and i know i have enough room for what is coming... i can handle it! - I cleaned out my closet..:-)