MY OWN 12 SIMPLE DATING TIPS

I am not an expert at dating nor do i believe there is one. I usually think some advice may work well for one person but not for another. A classic case of one man's meat........ Generally there are some do's and don't that are conventinally accepted... well by me and some few other people that agree. Dates are very important and crucial they give the initial impression of who you are and you definately want to be yourself.

Simple things can determine how good your date can go and this are some of the ones i really feel are basic and should be followed to avoid common dating mishaps...

1. Don't talk too much, a date allows you to find out who the other person is. If you hog the whole time talking about yourself, you may just miss the chance of knowing the person across the table. Listening is a virtue... it shows you are interested in what your date has to say.
2. Baggage. Leave it at the door! This is someone new, a clean slate, do not disscuss your past relationships or heart breaks especially on the first dates. If your date asks, kindly tell him that is a story for another day.
3. Dinning etiquette !! I cannot emphasize this enough,if you can't use a knife and a fork ask for a spoon, eat small bits of foods at any one given time and do not talk with food in your mouth, bad table manners can be a turn off.
4. Eye contact is healthy, but do not stare it can make your date quite uncomfortable, smile and be warm this helps your date be more at ease and not a complete nervous wreck!
5. Don't pick up calls, this is very common especially with Nairobi guys.. (first hand account), if you have an important call coming tell your date early in advance otherwise ignore all the other calls you can always call them back after the date.
6. Guys, please pay for the first date dinner tab! That is what a gentleman would does. Ladies, do not push to pay for the bill, i call it playing the "Independent woman" card.... he asked you out he will get the cheque, don't flinch or even pretend to look for your wallet till he offers ... no no.
7. Flirt, smile, laugh at each other's jokes. Touch his arm, dating is not a business meeting.Don't be too smart (nerd) or too blonde..... Keep it light and fun... complete ticket to a second date.
8. Make an effort to look good. Be smart, be clean and pleasant. It feels so good when you see your date has made time to prepare to meet you. Women splash on some perfume, a bit of make up and  don't dress trashy, modest is the new sexy.
9. Mind your language, do not use offesive words, curse or vulgarity. It shows that you are rude, impolite and disrespectful. This also applies to common pick up lines...
10. Even if you don't like your date, don't be quick to give them a hard time. Your partner is human and, like you, deserves to always to be treated with respect. You can still have a good time hanging out with someone you're not attracted to, so treating them badly just because they're not your type is unacceptable. Rudeness is not allowed.
11. Tell the truth, don't be too secretive put yourself out there abit, it shows you also have weakness and can be vulnerable... its only human, covering up alot does not allow your date know the amazing person that lies inside.

I think with this up your sleeve, you can have an easier time during your dates. Its worked for me. Dating should be fun and cheap to ensure its sustainability over longer period.

LIFE IS GOOD....

I'm up early today, i even did some workout. I have a busy day ahead so i have to plan well not to have loads of backlog into the Friday! If you are wondering how cleaning out my closet is coming. Well, its amazing how one simple thing has changed alot of what is happening now. I take less time to dress up ( finally- since my options are limited). I can now see more space around me, im thinking of even repainting a more calm color not my mother's trafitional ivory walls. In a nutshell its been great less baggage.

This week has been great, you know one of those weeks where everything is just perfect! The universe is responding to this positive energy im exuding. Robin Sharma is one of my favorite motivational speaker especially on Personal development. I read some 60 things which he reccomended that one would do to have a stunningly great life ( which you can read  here ) I find some appalingly repulsive but some make complete sense. ( why would i want to sell the T.V??)

Finding happiness within your self is the best thing. If your own company bores you and you cannot have quality me-time who is going to actually enjoy being around you?? When you love your self, it makes it easier for others to love you and enjoy being around you. You gain an aura around you that attracts people (good ones) and keeps the bad away. Im not saying that bad things don't happen.... but it all begins in the mind. The mind is a powerful weapon... so lets give credit where its due.

As my weekend starts (yay!) im definately sure it going to be delightful. I look foward to having great conversation, good food, new experiences, pass my TOEFL exam ( why do we need to do them anyway....tsk..tsk ) and meet new people .

CLATTER CLATTER ... A HEAPED MIND PLATTER

I enjoy watching -Clean House- it is usually aired on Style. This is not your usual 'Extreme Makeover - home edition' programme. They look for the houses with the most clatter .. a complete-junkyard-in-your-living-room kind of house, then take out the clatter and restore homes. I find it very fascinating how much stuff you can keep in such a small perimeter. The clients usually have an issue behind all the clatter and its is not entirely because they are lazy.

Last night, i decided i had to create time to clean out my closet. My mother had been consatantly telling me i had too much clothes in my room, and i'd tell her that each piece of garment had a purpose. She was not just being 'mom', but actually my room  did look like a "hurricane aftermath!!" I kept on saying i would get to it but the truth is it kept on getting worse with everyday i procrastinated.

I have always been obsessively neat, this was unusual. I am not on an 8 - 5 job. I work mostly from home ... so simply i have no excuse. So, yesterday i worked late into the night.. cleaning my room , I had to give up some stuff. Ofcourse did not want to do it but i knew had to. Especially my wardrobe. Fitting into some clothes brought some nostalgic episodes. My first dinner in campus. The clothes i wore when i lost a whooping 7 kgs, some of them couldnt fit me anymore, some were completely worn off.. (shoes)... some clothes id saved up for so long to but i didnt want to let them go. Some were just past my age.... they were childish  and did not depict elegance.

 Some were worn to very special days... first campus date, outfit worn for my first stage hosting, gifts from my friends on birthdays, hand me downs- of which some were completely hideous! I have always learnt to keep my wardrobe very simple and just enough to get me by well. I had a whole "gikomba" ( as my mom called it) she did exegerate to some extent.. when had it come to this??? I knew i had to give them out, not just because it was kind, and messy, or because i had no use for them anymore, but because it was time to let go.

The clatter reflected the state of my mind and how my emotions at this particular stage in my life was. I did loose weight but i gained it back. I guess hanging on to the old petite clothes reminded me of how small i was once before. I had to let them go and embrace me now (im very okay). I did not want to give out my dinner dresses... since they have such splendid memories attached to them. My shoes... have trodden great lands, but i have to give them out. I was young and crazy... now im a fully grown lady and i can't stick to that look not anymore. Im sorry i had to let the hand-me-downs go, my sisters are far from me but their jackets don't make them any closer.... plus they really are fashion wanting. I have to learn to make meaningful communication with them.

Part of me felt sad, but the bigger part of me felt happy ,not just because i had a chance to give something out to someone who needed it, but also because i was letting go any attachments from my past that were crowding my physical space. Sometimes life can be tough, but a friend once told me that... life is like a movie and God is the director.. he will give his best actors the hardest roles. I don't mean that i have entirely forgotten my great and lovely past... but i have kept what is most important in form of memory staches in my mind. Memories that i can relate or refer to later. It has not only made my physical space more comfortable but also my mind is more at ease.

As i zip up this Godzilla-sized suitcase, i am ready now to let new things, new people, new experiences flow... im only 23 ( but not for long)... i have a world out there to conquer and i know i have enough room for what is coming... i can handle it! - I cleaned out my closet..:-)

EASTER'S NEW TRADITION

Its great to have mum back home for easter, techincally today is easter so all the messages i got on friday should have read - Happy Good Friday ( somemouthful). This easter the house has had the least number of people, 3 girls only! I have grown up in a big family and holidays are to look forward to everytime, there is nothing as amaizing as family holiday drama... #nostalgia.

So we had a pajama party(ish) with a movie at the end. I loved the whole idea -even though i slept within the first 20 minutes of the movie- waking up in a weird place in the morning ( read sittingroom ) was fun especially when my mother (in her late fifties) beat us all and she was the last one lady standing as we snored mid-easter-movie-night. As the family grows smaller hope finally my folks will settle for one tradition that they can do all by themselves when i am finally moved out ...:-)

Everyone watches movies ( if you don't... then you should be) so here is a list of questions and answers about my movie mannerisms... what's yours?

1.What’s your favorite movie of all time and why?
The Color purple, Preety woman as always but i do love Sarafina and sound of music....., yes i love musicals so much.
2.What was the best movie you saw this last year and why?
Last year.... ( thats so last year!!) well i think Bridesmaids definately.... Tree of life, ghost protocal, hugo and  Harry Potter -deathly hallows ( it finally came to an end!!)... guess you can't just have one :-(

3.Who’s your favorite director?


 Steven Spielberg he won me over at a tender age.. Jurrasic park, lost world... indiana jones he has great movies thinks outside the box, great effects and simply value for your time and money kind-of-movies


 (Doesn't this picture remind you of Steve Jobs??? )







4.Do you like black and white movies?
No! thats why i got a coloured TV... greatwall days are over..:-)
5.Do you watch nigerian movies?
Haha, i have to ... as much as you want to change the channel... you watch on hating on somethings... but really they have great lessons... Plus someone please tell the men not to shout ... its preety annoying.
6.What’s the scariest movie you’ve ever seen?
Snakes on a plane!!!!! yikes... i would jump when anything touched my feet in the house for the entire evening...

7.Who’s your favorite actor?

Johnny Depp... you don't even have to ask why.... ( Hawt).. no wonder Penelope Cruz.... #piratesofthecarribean








8.Do you cry at movies?
Yes! I can't hold back my tears.. im emotional... movies such as Fireproof, My name is Khan... i just had to*sniff sniff *
9.What’s the funniest movie you’ve ever seen?
Really can't place a finger they seem funny but lately i guess i liked .... Our Idiot brother (really? that guy)
10.Would you rather see a movie at the theater or at home on DVD?
Theater of course .. the big screen... 3D pocorn at the movies is always great ( what's the secret ingredient???) and better off with friends because they will watch it till it ends without leaving :-)))


This tradition has been there just not the whole idea over easter but it has survived on.... i shall pass it on, modify it make it livelier for my own home and hope that my children's children will have the same :-) Whatever traditions you have going to the coast, partying hard, eating mbuzi, spending time with loved ones. Always remember that easter's greatest and timeless tradition is to show love to others, as Christ did for us, what greater love than this. His atonement gave me a second chance. Lets show love to some one who needs it... its not too late.. yet.

I STILL DON'T KNOW HOW SHE DOES IT !!!!

This week has been crazy, My mother was away for the last four days. I have been overwhelmed.... running the Kinyanjui's house should be a job on its own.  All my siblings have moved out but this bird here is not leaving the nest... ( atleast not yet ). When mother was away, the mice didn't play for sure. Naturally being the eldest and only one, I took over her responsibilities.

I thought Linet Scavo in desperate housewives was a busy one since all her kids were toddlers and they are messy.... Wrong, dealing with grown ups is equally challenging, because they are bright and smarter. There was a lot of budgeting to do, shopping, organizing, people to call, Hospital visits, repairs to be done, errands, bills to be paid, keeping tabs with extended family... and the list kept going on and on. I was maxed out.

"I don't know how she does it"- a movie starring Sarah Jessica parker couldn't have depicted it better, the working mom who has kids, a great career she keeps her on her toes, a husband who she also needs to keep happy, choices she has to make, people she has to dissapoint. My favorite part which is very true for us women is "The List." which we write in our heads every night before we sleep of stuff that needs to be done... its a great watch, but the best part is that in this small simple things we women do we get the greatest joy.

I do not consider myself selfish, nor lazy but if thats a glimpse of how it will be in the future, well its a scary world and frankly.. im not sure i am prepared for it. I like watching Kimora Lee Simmons ... oh its Hounsou nowadays ( the rate of divorce and remarrying is so fast, i cant keep track of last names).. Life on the fab lane, she has it all together... great kids, a whole business empire and she has not cracked! Amazing. she has her struggles but always comes out triumphant.

I think being a mother means you are completely selfless. A couple of times this week i had to give up some few things of my own to make sure that i did what i needed to be done. I still wonder how my mother does all that and keeps her cool... she must be a super mom, with very great super powers like loving unconditionally, knowing what to say at the right time, knows whats best for all of us. She also has very common slogans like " Because i said so", " Clean your room", " Do what your father says".

Its been four days only but it feels like a lifetime... i really now understand how much my mother does to keep that house running the way it does... but i think ill still need to figure out how she does it, perhaps with my own family... someday :-)

The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world.
     -- W.R. Ross    

WHEN I WAS YOUNG I WANTED TO BE A SINGER..

I have been so busy of late not able to update my blog, i had almost lost my life as a blogger for a moment there, but not to worry i have not yet reached the point 'to blog or not to blog'. I am having this Thursday infront of my computer busy trying out Karoke on YouTube. My friend encouraged my to try out for Tusker Project Fame Auditions, she reallly does believe in me, when i asked her for the audition venue and dates, she told me "See press and posters for details!"... huh really i hope next time i wont get a 'terms and conditions apply.' :-)

When i was a child i really wanted to be a singer, when everyone else wanted to be a doctor, pilot, farmer, driver (yes!). I just wanted to sing. I have grown up in a house full of music... (then) we should have had a small choir.  I thought muscians were preety, especially Tina turner and her raspy voice...Whitney (R.I.P). Sound of Music increased my ever burning desire for music. At the age of 5 i could sing in front of a 200 persons' crowd, the comments were encouraging too. (Of course i did not look llike her below... :-)

Somewhere along the way came books, education and Music was not in my school Curriculum. Naturally i was more inclined to passing my maths test than learning the F and G -clefs. Back in school and formed a trio with my friends called - Three Roses and we could actually rock a crowd pretty well. After high school of course came college and lets just say singing lost to other things. Although i would drop some few notes for my friends, that was preety much the end of me doing any singing.

Im standing infront of my laptop practicing a song - If you ask me by Omawumi, (amaizing song!) and i am astounded by how terrible i sound, what happened to my voice??? I was so sure i could pull it off quite easily....#puzzled. Now i actually believe my mother's stories when she tells me she could sing..What im preety sure of is, i will not be checking press and posters for details anytime soon. The simple joy i used to find when singing my heart out has been lost in the hustle and bustle of my daily life. I not giving up yet... im going out to get my groove again :-)

THE TECHNOLOGY CURSE ON DATING

On this lovely Sunday afternoon i decided to do some indulging on Facebook by chatting up some of my virtual friends ( ones i have not met face to face) it is after all social networking! My first conversation;
Me: Hi
Friend 1 : Hi, your pics look hawt!OMG...!!! :-o
Me : Thanks.
Friend 1: How do u know Jane* and Carol*?.... if u know them then you must be coooool.....lol.
Me: (went offline)

I must say meeting someone online has become a bit more boring nowadays. I call it 'The Technology Curse on Dating '. Imagine you only need the Facebook name of a girl/guy you like! I miss high school dating. Back then, a guy had to sum up his courage to ask me for my name, postal address and sometimes even my class. After the first encounter I would wait patiently for a week or longer to get the letter. It was every Friday, letters were called out in the dining hall after supper. Imagine how I felt when my name was called out! I clutched the letter(s) so tightly. Not all letters passed as good, but generally let me sum up the - Characteristics of a good letter:

• The envelop had to be white and the recipients name written in caligraphy.
• The back had to have a tit bit like, 'Open with a smile', 'Kiss before you open', 'Open with love' e.t.c
• The writing paper had to be colorful, the normal foolscap was a thumbs down.
• The letter had to be scented... not too much not too little to be noticed, just perfect.
• At the bottom of every letter was a place for 'Dedics' ( special song for the lady/guy)

If your letter had this, you were officially in the game.

I think of the technological revolution as more of a curse than a blessing ( to a larger extent ) in fostering the pace of relationships, truly matters of the heart should not be rushed. The I-pod, I-pad, I-tunes, I- this , I- that... but I-need-my-letters-written. Love letters have some suspense, anticipation, eagerness carried in them, you cannot simply delete or resend a letter that fast. That means the time taken to come up with the massive makes the words more meaningful, carefully chosen.

In this era i feel like technology has completely rendered love letters obsolete! I am not discrediting its emergence per se, i wouldn't also want to be stuck in stone age as the Flintstones communicating with drums, smoke and blowing of horns. When it comes to relationships, there is alot of information given out too fast and sometimes too soon. There is an overabundance of information that we may not be ready to process in such a fast pace.

In America, a study done shows that the American teenager sends out an average of 3,339 texts in a month ( that's 112 texts per day!). This my have detrimental effects on the kind of communication sent to and fro. The meaning of the words is cheapened! When you speed up communication you end up using more common expressions and cliche' phrases that are not unique and exclusive to one person. This is not a good way of expressing love. Some of the phrases are like : TTYL ( Talk to you later), Lol ( Laugh Out Loud) and many more. Since when do i make a joke and you send me a simple lol!!! Language has been completely distorted with acronyms that makes one sound charming and 'Swaggerful!'. Its like a me rolling on the floor fantasizing just because my new crush liked my photo on Facebook and tweeted me..... Wanna hang sometime. #lame.

Nowadays complete strangers can be an open book. Just Google their names or 'Facebook- Stalk them'.You can find out who has a top job and check out their profile pictures wondering who is that woman he has put his arms around! We don't keep time and we constantly lie on the phone, commonly... " I am almost there", when you are definitely not even out of the house! If only we would go back to when we were to meet at the clock at Kencom on Thursday at noon ( era of no cellphones)- then 'African time' would actually 'On time'.

May be I am being to skeptical and a bit harsh on technology, what I am simply saying is that, we need not dive into the newest form of technology head first (BBM), lets take time to know how it will affect our relationships in the long term. Its Wanja's nature to sometimes hang on to some old fashioned ways and  be conservative. Lets just keep some tangible records of the 21st  century metamorphosis of relationships to be able to look back into sometime in the future. Imagine if Paul in the Bible had written an Email to the Ephesians, and they had to delete it at some point to create more room for newer files... My point exactly!